Thanks for choosing to read my new short story, “The Troll“, but before you read this story, you must be listening to the song “Bananaphone” by Raffi. Go and start that up now.
Excellent, you should now have “Bananaphone” by Raffi playing through your headphones or speakers.
I should explain: Listening to this song while reading this story is mandatory as it is intrinsically linked to the content, mood and overall flow of the story and so if you read “The Troll” without “Bananaphone” by Raffi playing, you’re only getting half of the intended experience.
So if you aren’t able to listen right now, if you’re at work and aren’t allowed music or you’re out and don’t have headphones or whatever, then stop reading here. Come back later. The story will still be here waiting.
It’s on Spotify, by the way, “Bananaphone” by Raffi. It’s also on Youtube. I think I’ll be able to put links up at the top for you to use, so if that works, you should be able to see them up at the top of the page there. In fact yeah, I’ve just done that. I’ve included the youtube video with lyrics, just in case you want to come back at a later date and sing along. However, this will not be necessary while reading the following story.
OK, so at this point you should be in a position where you can listen to “Bananaphone” by Raffi. Have you got it ready? Don’t start it yet, just have it ready. I’ll tell you when to start it. Shit, I already told you to start it, didn’t I. Sorry about that, just pull it back to the beginning for me really quick. In fact you can start it now, we’re ready.
For fucks sake, it actually turns out we need to wait a second, because at this point I know that there are still a couple of you that are just not taking me seriously. I see you. “Fuck that, I can’t be arsed”, or “Fuck that, I don’t like that song”, or “Fuck that, old man Franjo’s not serious when he says this stuff”.
I cannot stress enough how integral this song is to this story, so I really, really am serious about this: Stop messing about and load the song up, or fucking leave.
I’m serious, if you’re not going to show me the respect and do me the courtesy of taking this seriously, close this story down now. I take pride in this shit, you know. I take it very fucking seriously. Now get on Spotify or get on Youtube and load up “Bananaphone” by Raffi.
Thank you. I’m sorry about that. And I’m especially sorry to those of you who’ve had “Bananaphone” by Raffi loaded from the very beginning when I first asked you to. The above section wasn’t for you, there’s just a lot of time wasters out there, you know? Right, let’s begin. Oh shit, if you’ve had the song playing all this time, just bring it back to the beginning and press play for me. Right, here we go:
In fact, I’m so sorry, one last thing: I just need you to crank the volume on your device of choice up a smidge, just so that it’s “loud”. BUT not to the point that listening to “Bananaphone” by Raffi is in any way painful or uncomfortable for you. I do not want you to hurt yourself, it’s just that for immersion purposes I need you to have the song on nice and loud. But be safe and be comfortable. OK? Sorted? Right. Bloody hell this has turned out to be a lot of preamble. And I’ve left the song running again haven’t I, for fucks sake. In fact, it should still sync up fine, so just leave it running at this point. Lovely stuff.
Right, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, please immerse yourself in the rich tapestry that is the story of…
It all started just like any other day…
Oh no. I’ve gotta split, sorry.