Steve Walked To Town

Not much of a story.

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OK, here’s one, right:

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Steve Walked To Town

Steve walked to town.

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Not much of a story actually, is it? I’ll hold my hands up to that one. Ok, bear with me though, let me try again:

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Steve Walked To Town

Steve walked to town. He bought some milk and came home.

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Yeah, still not great, is it? Better though? We can agree that that one was at least better? Alright, let’s go again. I can do this:

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Steve Walked To Town

Steve walked to town. He needed some milk, so he went to a local supermarket and he bought some milk. It was a beautiful day, so he took the scenic route home through the grassy park.

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Now we’re talking, aren’t we? I’m not one to toot my own horn, but that’s a fucking story right there. Adjectives, nouns, vowels, milk, it’s got them all. I can tell that you’re still not impressed though, so just for you, I’ll give it one more shot.

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Steve Walked To Town

Steve walked to town. He was all out of milk would you believe and he couldn’t eat his morning cereal without it. But it was a beautiful day, so Steve absolutely didn’t mind walking to town to get some. He went to a local supermarket and bought some milk using the spare change that’d built up in his pocket during the week, thanked the cashier cheerily and started to make his way back home. As it was such a beautiful sunny day, Steve decided to take the scenic route through the park, so that he could listen to the singing of the birds and watch the squirrels scampering about across the grass and through the trees. When he arrived home, Steve enjoyed his cereal tremendously. After all, he’d earned it. 😎

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And that’s how you write the perfect story. Thank you and good night.

You can’t be serious. Still nothing?

That was good! That was really, really good! Look at the detail, the call back to the “beautiful day” bit, I even put in a happy ending and a cool emoji for the kids! There’s something for everyone! It’s a good story! A classic! There was even a whole cast of characters – Steve, the cashier… You know, the squirrels and shit…

It’s actually quite annoying at this point that you’re still not satisfied. In fact, I’m starting to think you’re just pretending not to be impressed just to piss me off. But alright. OK. Fine. Here we go, your majesty. Let me try AGAIN:

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And remember that you did this, by the way. This one’s your story. It’s not on me. You made me do this. I wrote an actual good story, but you had to… Right, here we go:

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Some actually called it “perfect” if you recall, but… Here we go:

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Steve Walked To Town

Steve happily walked briskly to the thriving town. He horrifyingly was completely all out of his bottles of cow’s milk for his sugary breakfast cereal that he wanted to eat would you believe and he absolutely couldn’t gluttonously eat his nutritious morning cereal without more of it. But luckily it was at least a beautiful blue-sky summer day of the month, so clever Steve absolutely didn’t not not mind walking quickly to the bustling town to finally get some more milk with money.

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DO YOU SEE?

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He cautiously went fast to a big local good value supermarket that was nearby and merrily bought some extra milk bottles using all of the metallic spare change that’d sneakily built up a lot in his deep silken pocket material during the current and preceding week of the year, angrily thanked the shitty cashier cheerily and somehow started nobly to make his slow way backwards.

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DO YOU SEE WHAT YOUR ELITIST FUCKING ATTITUDE HAS DONE?

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Thankfully as it was definitely such a big beautiful sunny weather daytime, fat Steve surely decided on the spot to stealthily take up the long shadowy scenic route home almost throughout the green dirty park, so that for some reason he could and should barely listen up to all the nice singing out of most of the yellow birds and also carefully watch the thieving fucking squirrels gleefully scampering merrily about across the dead grass blades and also up throughout the tall green trees too.

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IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?

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Whenever he legitimately arrived all the way home today, carnivorous Steve extra enjoyed his cereal really tremendously and the milk from a cow in it. Afterwards all, some say he’d probably earned all of it through feats of physical labour. 😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎

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IT’S FUCKING RUINED.

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More short stories and poems

Author: wtfranjo

My name is Franjo. And I will be a Football Manager.

20 thoughts on “Steve Walked To Town”

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