Listen to this right, this is mental:
So I’ve got this friend called Ben. Ben’s a nice guy. Just a normal guy. He works in retail somewhere in town: Minimum wage, 0 hour contract sort of job. I forget which shop, but that’s not the interesting part anyway.
So Ben’s got a sister. Well, I think 2 sisters. And a brother. But that’s not the point. So Ben’s… I think older sister? I think that’s right… Younger sister, younger brother, older sister, yeah that’s right. So Ben’s older sister Sarah, or possibly Sara? I can never remember whether she’s a Sarah with the H or a Sara without, because confusingly enough, Sarah or Sara has a friend named Sara or Sarah! You know, the other spelling! So I get them confused. Anyway I’m fairly sure Ben’s older sister is Sarah and then her friend is Sara, so let’s go with that. That’s not the interesting part anyway.
So forget about Sara, she’s not a part of the story, I just have a bit of a brain fart every time I try to remember which one’s which out of her and Sarah. So Ben’s older sister Sarah right, her and her boyfriend Tom just got back off holiday. I think they were somewhere in Greece. One of the islands, you know? Crete or Kos or somewhere like that. In fact no, that’s right, it was Kos. I remember because Ben told me that he’d asked Sarah why they’d chosen to go there in particular and she said “Just Kos” and Ben found it really funny because it’s a nice bit of wordplay on “Just because”, even though it doesn’t entirely work because “Kos” is pronounced with a softer S, isn’t it. You get it anyway, I don’t need to explain it. It’s not even that funny, it’s just sort of goofy, like the kind of thing you’d laugh at not because of the actual joke but at how stupid or cringeworthy the joke itself is. Bloody hell, I’m rambling, sorry! And none of this is even the interesting part.
So Sarah and… Oh shit, no it is Sara after all! I’m having an absolute shocker, sorry about this. I’m sure this time though, I promise. So “Sarah” is actually Sara and “Sara” is actually Sarah, OK? But forget about Sarah, she’s not a part of the story. So Ben’s older sister Sara and her boyfriend Tom just got back from Crete right, but Ben told me that Sara told him that Tom got a call from one of his bosses while he was there saying they needed him to call this potential new client… Bollocks, not Crete, it was Kos! We’ve covered this. Sorry. So yeah Tom had to call this new client. I’m not sure what Tom does to be perfectly honest. It’s sales or marketing or something like that. It probably involves cubicles either way, but that’s not the interesting part.
So Tom calls this new client from Kos and they start talking sales or marketing or cubicles or whatever. I think the client’s name was something really generic and normal like “John” or “James” or something like that. Let’s go with John just because I really want to wrap this story up! So Tom and John arrange to meet up when Tom and Sara get back from Kos so that they can talk more face to face. In fact yeah, I think they were supposed to meet up to close a sale of some kind. I’m almost certain that Tom’s in sales. Maybe business to business sales though, but that’s not the interesting part anyway.
So when Ben’s older sister Sara and her boyfriend Tom get back from Kos, Tom goes to meet up with John to talk sales, right? Only thing is, John never shows up! Tom was furious by the sounds of it. I think they’d come back off holiday a day early because the only day John could do was the day that Tom and Sara were flying back from Kos, so Tom and Sara apparently flew back a day early because John’s potentially very important. So yeah, Tom’s livid when John doesn’t show up at the office because he’s cut his holiday short for nothing. But, at about 20 to 10 (And they were supposed to meet at 9 and Tom wanted to get in early, so he’s already been waiting around since about half 8), John phones Tom to apologise because he’s swamped with sales or marketing or cubicles or whatever and says that he’s going to send his assistant over instead. By the way, Tom’s not in his office so it’s not as if he can get any work done while he’s waiting all this time. He’s in a different office that his company owns that’s all the way across town and there’s more meeting rooms or cubicles or whatever at that one, so he’s been stitched right up, but that’s still not the interesting part.
So Tom’s obviously not too happy with John according to what Sara, not Sarah, told Ben, but he sticks around at the office, but not his office, to wait for John’s assistant, who… Honestly I cannot remember her name, so let’s just call her… Jen. So half an hour later (And remember this is about 10 past 10 at this point and Tom cut his holiday in Kos with Sara short to get into the office today for half past 8 so he could be early for the meeting with John at 9), Jen finally shows up for the meeting with Tom. And it’s raining this morning by the way, I forgot to mention that. So John’s assistant Jen shows up and Tom goes downstairs to meet her and she’s got this umbrella up, right? But it’s sort of obscuring her face because she’s holding it really low over her head trying to keep herself dry. So Tom doesn’t get a good look at Jen straight away but when she comes inside the building and lowers her umbrella, he does and he can’t believe it, right:
So Ben told me that Sara told him that Tom told her that his new client John’s assistant Jen…
… She’s got 2 fucking heads.